The Anxiety Monster Strikes Again

One of the major anxiety and depression traps I have to try and avoid is worrying about things over which I cannot control.  I don’t want to say it’s always easy to do this, because it really depends upon the focus of my anxiety. It’s easier to make myself take a step backwards and get my bearings when the focus is on a thing or a situation. It’s not so easy when the focus is another person’s behavior.

Lately, I’ve fallen into this cycle of worry, depression and anxiety and I’ve felt this way since D came home from Gen Con.  While he was in Indy, I was holding down the fort in Sioux Falls. And then I noticed a few things that I couldn’t notice if he were there.

D is overweight and I worry about that. He’s addicted to Coca-Cola, and I’m worried about that. We live on a third floor apartment and whenever he comes in the door, he’s not only out of breath, he breathes through his mouth even when he isn’t out of breath.

He’s had to get a CPAP for sleep apnea, which I believe is both age and weight related.

I’ve noticed, while he was gone, that I avoid wanting to cook healthier like I used to because if I do, it goes to waste. While he was gone, I ate more veggies than I do when he’s around.

I get the soda addiction because I used to be addicted to Mountain Dew. I rarely drink soda anymore.

In the middle of all of what sounds like a lot of complaining on my part, is this worry that one morning, I’m going to go into the bedroom when it’s 45 minutes past when his alarm went off and find that he died in his sleep.  Or that he has a heart attack and he either dies from it. Or that he is diagnosed with diabetes and won’t do what the doctor tells him because he has to give up eating bread and other refined carbs and sugars.

What makes all of this worse is that I know that I’m catastrophizing things, but I can’t stop.

I love my husband. I wish he would take better care of himself. I have both unselfish and selfish reasons for wanting this.

I think my current meds have stopped working, too, but that’s easier to do than having a conversation I’ve had with him many times before.


80+ Self-Care Ideas

In light of the death of Robin Williams, it’s a good time to remember that we all need to practice self-compassion. Wonderful things happen when you cut yourself some slack. If the coverage is overwhelming for you and you’re afraid that it might trigger something, turn off the TV, get off of social media and do whatever you need to do to get yourself back to center.

I do many of these things when I feel overwhelmed or feel anxious or feel depressed. It’s not a waste of time, nor is it selfish. YOU matter and how you are feeling matters. You have every right to do what you need to do to make yourself feel better in a healthy way.

The Self-Compassion Project

277221852_476e8916f0_zI just started a two-week online class on self-care. One of our first exercises was to brainstorm ideas for self-care. Here is an amazing list. Feel free to add any  other ideas in the comment section.

Maybe we can get the list up to 100!

going for a photo walk

going to the forest

a bath at the end of the day

going for bike rides

finding overgrown grass and putting my bare feet and it

lying in the grass on the hill and staring up at the sky

cooking a meal for myself and being really present

getting up early and reading inspirational books


walking with my dogs


going places–getting a change of scenery

trying new things in general

guided meditation

listening to books and music

face-to-face conversations with people

gratitude journal

better diet

trying to live more authentically

not skipping sleep to get things done

trying to…

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Negativity-Ain’t Got Time For That

Today, (July 17) is not a good day mostly because I’ve been flirting with that fine line between being on edge and full-blown panic attack.

If this were happening a little over a year ago, I would have crossed that line into a panic attack or an anxiety-induced depressive episode. Now I have enough coping skills in my arsenal to hold it off.

July 17, 2014, for lack of a better description, is a negative day. There’s too much negativity about unrelated things that all happened to meet at the same time.

One of the go-to weapons I have is to cut out negativity.

Negativity breeds like rabbits. It’s also easy to be negative or to give into negativity. It’s easy to get swept up in other people’s negativity, too.

I believe with all my heart that negativity is a personal choice. While negativity seems natural or the default, we still choose negativity. For most people, it’s not a conscious choice. The words come out before many realize what they are actually saying.

I’ve learned through mindfulness that we are just as capable of choosing to be positive as we are to choose to be negative, but we have to learn how to recognize our own negativity and consciously change our words. It’s not an easy thing to do, but it’s not impossible, either.

Continue reading “Negativity-Ain’t Got Time For That”