Welcome to Project Fugway, a labor of love, a curation of the worst of fashion in the history of fashion. Project Fugway celebrates all bad fashion–from the ugly, but well-intentioned to the couture equivalent of Dante’s 9th Circle of Hell.
I’ve done posts like this on the old blog, but in honor of the new digs, I’m giving you all a quiz.
You will be graded.
Let’s get started, shall we?
All images are from my eponymous Pinterest board, Project Fugway. Each image links back to my Pinterest board. Unfortunately, Pinterest doesn’t have the old “embed” pin feature they had a few years ago, which made it easier to make these kinds of posts, and also make sure proper credit was given. Not every pin goes back to its original source material, which makes it harder to find out who should get credit.
1. The worst thing about this item of clothing is:
A). The model looks like Borat after a five day bender in Tijuana.
B). The pattern is so loud, even the blind are yelling, “Could you turn the volume down on your underwear, please?”
C). The nylon material guarantees that you’ll have an epic case of swamp-ass even in the middle of February.
2. Which of the following is true?
A) When cheap beer and cheap clothing combine, it results in cheap sex.
B) Victoria’s Secret decided to broaden their market with their new Cousin Lurleen’s Sexy Real ‘Murrican line of lingerie.
C) Matching crocheted beer can hat sold separately.
3. Finish this sentence. “These are—”
A) two wild and crazy guys.
B) outfits for Huggy-Bear’s ski-vacation to the Swiss Alps
C) future “scandal” photos when or if one of the models ever decides to run for public office.
4. This woman…
A) is wearing a snood.
B) sporting the most caucasian set of cornrows ever.
C) is into clown bukakke.
5. Which of the following is true of this ad?
A) Ladies can’t resist the sex appeal of a man wearing a shirt covered with urns.
B) The guy in the middle is comfortable with his masculinity and he doesn’t care what you think of his kicky little neck scarf.
C) The model in the salmon colored pants has to sit because looking at his own shirt gives him a bad case of vertigo.
6. One of these things is not like the other. Which thing does not belong?
A) Macho Clint Eastwood modeling clothing
B) Macho Clint Eastwood with a woman draped over him.
C) Macho Clint Eastwood modeling a vest made from crocheted granny squares.
7. When looking at the man in the blue gingham pants, it’s logical to infer that:
A) this man will do anything to get laid, including wearing pants that look exactly like the curtains that covered the windows in my childhood bedroom.
B) he’s embracing his inner “Raggedy Andy”
C) He’s not the one who actually wears the pants in this relationship, gingham or otherwise.
8. What is missing from this picture?
B) A certain type of female undergarment meant to support the chest area
C) The third color option: Tequila
9. Which is true of the following:
A) This has the essence of “As Seen on TV” all over it, complete with hyperbole and the required “black and white” footage of someone doing it wrong in the most melodramatic way possible.
B). Having your balls smashed like a panini was far more preferable than actually wearing these new Contour Action briefs with the built-in supporter
C) Wouldn’t it be easier to skip the undershirt altogether? It’s not like people will be able to tell you’re not wearing one under your Amazing Technicolor Unicorn Vomit Polyester Shirt.
10. What is the subject of their “man talk”?
A). They should have taken the job offer from Chippendales instead.
B). Wondering if the Witness Protection Program accepts people who took jobs modeling hideous crocheted ponchos made from acrylic yarn.
C). That this hideous poncho would make a perfect white elephant gift for Christmas.
Remember when I said you’d be graded? I lied.